I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
