well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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