So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
