I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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