getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
