I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
