Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
