Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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