I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
