Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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