I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
