I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ttyl tear gas
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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