it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
