so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
