he thought i was a dude.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
