I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
