I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
