How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
