Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
