i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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