I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
