Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
