Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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