Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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