It's Friday. Sex?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
