I'm so fucking centered right now
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
