OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
