if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
