i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
