We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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