she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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