I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
