I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
