The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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