my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
