Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
