i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
