my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
