You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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