First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
