You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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