i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have post one night stand depression
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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