come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
