It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
