dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Someone shit on the floor
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
