They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
