i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why do cheetos always look like penises
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
