my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
