: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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