My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
